Survivor Stories: "Thoughts From My Desk, 4"
"No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone." -Friedrich Nietzsche
THOUGHTS FROM MY DESK
Charlotte
Pity.
Some people enjoy it, some people don't. There is always an element of gratitude when somebody says "I am sorry for your circumstances. I feel bad for you." As humans, it is our right to care for one another. It is what we do.
However, when pity is thrown constantly at the presence of someone struggling with their reality, it can be messy. When I first got home after my encounter, I faced lots of pity from the people closest to me. I had almost died over break, so naturally speaking, people felt gratitude to see me and pity for my circumstances. Although the gestures were made out of the kindness of young hearts, I was so unreceptive to it.
To be truthful, I was still in so much pain. I was still grappling with what had happened to me, and still had not fully grasped my reality. I was beginning to have nightmares that would plague me for the next few months. Overall, I was not ready to talk about my reality, and therefore was unreceptive and cold.
As I have grown older, I have realized that this was an extremely natural response. In the midst of extenuating circumstances, I froze and shut down. I was young and had never experienced something like that before. As the years went on, however, I matured. I have learned that empathy for traumatic situations is simply our way, as humans, to aid each other. The gratitude I feel for the people who helped me in my worst times is unexplainable.
If you are someone who is struggling with their reality and feel they are pushing people away who care for you, take a step back. Breathe. Think about your reality on YOUR terms, no one else's. Most importantly, remember that everyone copes with trauma differently. Your #1 priority should be your mental health and well being, and it is easy to sometimes forget that people genuinely want to help you. That group of people also includes me, even if we don't know each other personally.
I often hear the phrase "you don't owe anyone anything." I could not disagree more. I think that as humans, we owe each other a lot. It is in our nature to help. It is frequently the question of moral being: what do we owe to each other? Food for thought, for sure.
Once again, I thank everyone that has given their time to my website. I do this for people like me, and I wouldn't ever want to stop. As a reminder: you matter, your livelihood matters, your mental health matters. No matter who you are, I am proud of you.
Pity.
Some people enjoy it, some people don't. There is always an element of gratitude when somebody says "I am sorry for your circumstances. I feel bad for you." As humans, it is our right to care for one another. It is what we do.
However, when pity is thrown constantly at the presence of someone struggling with their reality, it can be messy. When I first got home after my encounter, I faced lots of pity from the people closest to me. I had almost died over break, so naturally speaking, people felt gratitude to see me and pity for my circumstances. Although the gestures were made out of the kindness of young hearts, I was so unreceptive to it.
To be truthful, I was still in so much pain. I was still grappling with what had happened to me, and still had not fully grasped my reality. I was beginning to have nightmares that would plague me for the next few months. Overall, I was not ready to talk about my reality, and therefore was unreceptive and cold.
As I have grown older, I have realized that this was an extremely natural response. In the midst of extenuating circumstances, I froze and shut down. I was young and had never experienced something like that before. As the years went on, however, I matured. I have learned that empathy for traumatic situations is simply our way, as humans, to aid each other. The gratitude I feel for the people who helped me in my worst times is unexplainable.
If you are someone who is struggling with their reality and feel they are pushing people away who care for you, take a step back. Breathe. Think about your reality on YOUR terms, no one else's. Most importantly, remember that everyone copes with trauma differently. Your #1 priority should be your mental health and well being, and it is easy to sometimes forget that people genuinely want to help you. That group of people also includes me, even if we don't know each other personally.
I often hear the phrase "you don't owe anyone anything." I could not disagree more. I think that as humans, we owe each other a lot. It is in our nature to help. It is frequently the question of moral being: what do we owe to each other? Food for thought, for sure.
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Once again, I thank everyone that has given their time to my website. I do this for people like me, and I wouldn't ever want to stop. As a reminder: you matter, your livelihood matters, your mental health matters. No matter who you are, I am proud of you.